Silent Hill

##/5(*'s)

words cannot quite cover it. I remember consciously thinking all through this movie that this is THE suck. but by the last ten minutes i was having so much fun that...i almost like it.

no no, i need to get my head together. no this film is THE SUCK.

out of five stars, i give it ## (that's right, two hash)

with immortal lines such as
"They say this place is haunted, i think they might be right"
this is solid gold shit.

radha mitchell, you're a babe, and you kicked all kinds of ass as a fucked up woody allen chick and i had all kinds of hopes for you, i thought you were gonna blaze into hollywood and be another aussie blonde leggy type who'll hit it big for a while until some relationship turmoil turn it all wry for you. why dear god did you sign up for this piece of crap? at least you still look good though, and i'm sure that nurses scene was good fun for you to shoot.

on to the review proper.

the horror flick checklist:

creepy girl, check
oddles of monsters, check
lots and lots of screaming, check
grimy film stock, check
flood of bugs, check
sudden blackouts and bright fadeouts, check (repeatedly)

in other words, the utmost conventional horror film imaginable, minus the scares. the soundtrack was from the game which was quite nice, but didn't quite provide the shock value the film desperately needed. it was really quite hilarious.

although i say this now, the couple next to me were proving me quite wrong. he had to keep reassuring her that it was a movie, out loud, at every scene. i wanted to fucking punch her out.

the last 20 or so minutes redeemed it somewhat. with a creepy scene involving the (very nice) cleavages of a headless army of nurses, and the most brutal, violent final massacre. a woman was ripped right down the middle after being sodomised by rusty barbed wire hentai tentacles style.

and to think, i could've been watching naked girls in DOA instead.